03 Sep My Parents Don’t Have an Estate Plan! How Can I Convince Them to Start?
You already know how important it is to have an estate plan, a will, and end-of-life documents in place. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean your parents are on the same page.
Many adults worry about the fact that their parents don’t have a will. Their stomachs are all tied in knots because their parents are getting older and they don’t have any kind of estate plan in place. Perhaps past conversations haven’t gone well, so now they find themselves desperately wondering how to convince their parents to get the process started. If you’re one of those people, hang in there—we’re here to help.
First, let’s explore a fictional family scenario that covers all the main talking points.
Scenario: The Peterson Family
Question: What happens if my parents don’t write a will?
Imagine the Petersons, who are in their 80s and have lived in their charming home in Arizona for decades. Because their only child, Alex, lives in another state and has no interest in owning a home in the desert, they want their home to go to the youth pastor at their church. They’ve always been clear about their wishes, however, they haven’t taken any steps to make this bequest possible.
For years, they’ve put off creating a will, thinking they’ll get to it eventually. They’re distrustful of lawyers and would prefer to DIY their way through the paperwork (which you know is a bad idea.) They don’t want to deal with legal processes now, preferring to live their lives as fully as possible while they enjoy retirement.
The Petersons’ son, Alex, has tried to convince his parents many times to start the estate planning process. He reminds them that their home will automatically go to him unless they state otherwise in the proper legal documents. If the Petersons pass away without ever starting their estate plan, Alex will have to face all sorts of problems.
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- Intestacy Laws: Since the Petersons didn’t create a will, their estate will be divided according to Arizona’s intestacy laws. Since Alex is their only child, he would legally inherit the home and all their other assets, despite the Petersons’ wishes.
- Potential Family or Legal Conflicts: Even though Alex agrees with their decision and doesn’t want the home, he might face legal challenges from other parties who may have had an informal understanding with the Petersons. The lack of a written will can lead to disputes, legal battles, and emotional stress.
- Delays and Unnecessary Costs: The estate will need to go through probate, a time-consuming and expensive legal process. This could significantly reduce the value of their home and the other assets that the Petersons might leave behind.
How Do I Get My Parents to Write a Will?
Approaching unwilling parents about putting together their end-of-life documents must be done in the right manner. We understand that it’s a stressful topic to bring up, especially if your parents are dragging their feet. To help you convince them to move forward with the process, here are four tips to follow.
1. Understand their point of view and validate it.
Estate planning is a heavy topic, and it can bring up a lot of uncomfortable feelings. Acknowledge their mistrust or hesitancy, and assure them that their feelings are valid and respected. Let them know you’re prepared to deal with their concerns, and that you won’t cloud the situation with your own desires.
2. Choose the right time.
You should never broach this topic at a family reunion, a backyard barbeque, or during any event. The place should be comfortable and quiet, and the time should be agreed on in advance. Oftentimes, the kitchen table is the best place to have these talks. Big decisions are often discussed around the table, so the setting will feel comfortable.
3. Express concern from a place of empathy and understanding.
Frame the conversation around your feelings, rather than their shortcomings. For example, you might say: “I know you’ve been enjoying retirement and writing a will seems like something that can be dealt with later. However, I’m worried about what might happen if you two suddenly weren’t around. I’m also concerned about what would happen to one of you if the other passed away. I know you have specific wishes and I want to make sure they’re honored. I want to help make this process as smooth as possible for you both.”
4. Use real life situations they can relate to.
One useful strategy is talking about their siblings, cousins, or other relatives and friends who’ve been in similar situations. Using real life examples will help drive the point home. Remind them gently why creating an estate plan is in their best interests. For example, because the Petersons want to leave their real estate property to someone other than their only child, they would need a will or trust to ensure it happens. Without a will, the house will go to Alex.
Example Approach:
“Mom, Dad, I know that you’ve been hesitant about working with lawyers and that it’s not something you’re used to doing. I completely understand and respect that. But since I’ve already gone through my own estate planning process, I know firsthand how important it is to have things organized for the future.”
“You don’t want your estate to end up like Aunt Jenny’s—she planned on leaving everything to her cousin’s daughter. But since she didn’t have a will, the court gave her entire estate to her sister, against her wishes.”
“I know it sounds burdensome, but I’ve found ways to make this process easier to understand and totally transparent. We can start together right now by writing down your wishes on paper and making note of all the documents and information you’ll need. I even brought along a simple worksheet with examples we can follow.”
“I know some estate planning professionals who will be up front with you through each step of the process. Once we find someone you trust, they’ll sit down with you for an initial consultation. And there’s no obligation—after getting an idea for your situation, they will simply go over all your options with you. And of course, I’m happy to go with you if that would make you more comfortable.”
“If you’re willing, let’s take the first step right now. Let’s make some iced tea and watch a free webinar together. Then if you want, we can set up a complimentary, no-obligation consultation at the end.”
Estate Planning Experts in Arizona
As the saying goes, experience is a great teacher, and at Phelps LaClair you’re in good hands. With two generations of estate planning knowledge behind us, our experience has given us tremendous foresight into setting up our clients’ estates for success. We know what works (and what doesn’t) and we handle people with the sensitivity and care they deserve.
You can learn more through the education center on our site, and when you’re ready, give us a call to get started.
Photo by Luca from Unsplash on 8.14.2024 | used under the creative commons license